What is it with people’s obsession with the ménage à trois?? I get that there is a little porn star in all of us just itching to come out when given the chance, but let’s be honest: most people can barely properly take care of one vagina in the bedroom, let alone adding another into the mix. On the same note, I don’t think people really understand what having a third party involved means on a larger psychological scale. I do contend that there are a few out there that can handle it and be the mega porn star, but for most of us it is a sabotaging booby trap (pun intended) to any loving relationship. And yes, I know these things because I’ve had a couple of threesomes, and let’s just say I now definitely know I don’t need to have another.
What am I talking about? The illustrious ménage à trois isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be? YUP, that is exactly what I’m saying. There is an unspoken catch 22 that arises—actually a couple of them--that can catch someone off guard to the point of regret. First let’s clarify my angle to this topic, as there are several variations to the threesome. My experience has been in the 2 girls and a guy scenario where it is an existing couple and I am “scouted” into the sexcapade. So, I have this outside perspective of the couple’s relationship, and no deep emotional attachment to the outcome; leaving me an interesting aerial view of what a threesome is and isn’t to all those involved.
My major finding: you are probably more compatible with each of the people you’re with individually than they are with each other. It is crazy to realize this sad insight right in the middle of the whole thing, especially when you go into something like this with these preconceived ideas of how “porn star” it should be. You’re asked into this coveted activity and in the midst of it all you start to see signs of a deteriorated relationship right before your very naked eyes. You start piecing together how they approached you and each of their personalities together, and you realize that you are the personality that is missing from their relationship. You are the psyche that would make a better relationship for them both separately, but that isn’t possible…they need to just find other people to be with. Then the jealousy creeps into the sheets that you’re all sharing…it is inevitable within a relationship. This brings with it a dank air of silence and loneliness at the thought that a mistake was made, and that the fantasy of a threesome is just a fantasy.
I’m not sure if a couple thinks the act of a threesome all the way through before doing it. Maybe they THINK they are so connected that bringing another person in would be a testament of their bond. The funny part is that for them to actually decide to include another person into their intimacy is a significant sign that they really aren’t ready to be truly intimate with each other if they NEED this other element as the “glue.” It is my gut feeling that the “healthiest” threesome to be had is when all three are not involved with anyone in the triangle, but since each person emotionally processes things so differently it would be hard to say for sure. The hype, the hype….it really is just being able to say you’ve done one and letting the other person’s imagination run wild with what a porn star you must be, and allowing the fantasy to live on.
Originally published in In the Scene Magazine
