Is it Valentine’s Day and you haven’t a Valentine to meet the day’s criteria? Well, maybe you should re-think your technique at attracting others. Consider the idea of the old saying: “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Well, what if you applied that to men (or whatever sex you’re after,) and dress for the men you want and not for the boys you’ve been getting? Sounds a bit obvious, but have you really ever sat down and thought about why you aren’t with the love of your life, or moreover why you attract what you do? My belief is that if you start dressing the part, the part will come to you.
I stumbled upon this concept one evening when I made plans to go out with some other single girlfriends. I wasn’t sure what bars we were going to hit, but I knew I wanted to feel a certain way when I left the house and that was my focus. The only outfit that called to me was this 50’s skirt, perfect black heels with ribbons, a wife beater, a little black ribbon as a choker and fake diamond earrings. I know, a bit retro and dressy, but when I put it all on I felt sexy and confident, and well, the way I wanted to look. Little did I know the destination that was decided upon was a bit of an Irish dive bar, and my friends were all in jeans. Yes, I had apprehension over not really matching my friends’ wardrobe, and not necessarily looking like the average bar hopping kind of girl, but I kept remembering that my outfit matched who I feel I am deep down when I shut out the society chatter of what is “cool,” and the outfit embodied who I would like to be more often. If I was dressier than everyone else then screw it—I felt perfect for me. With this confidence in mind, I forgot that I was wearing something “wrong,” and just sort of went with it.
The evening had a slow start with me standing in a sea of neo-hippie-grunge Hollywood-ites, but lightning struck when I was approached by someone that didn’t look like anyone else there… and this is what led me to my belief. He actually looked like my other half—appearance wise. And although he was on the young side, he was smart, sophisticated and witty like I like ‘em. The kicker is that it was my skirt that encouraged him to come over and make it the focus of his pick-up line! When I took a moment to reflect—most commonly known as a trip to the bathroom—I was thinking about how I was actually feeling bad just moments before about how none of the neo-hippie-grunge wannabes wanted to talk to me—how stupid could I be??? I didn’t even want a neo-hippie-grunge boy, I want what I actually ended up attracting…and this is something that doesn’t normally happen. I normally would’ve shown up in the cliché trendy bar clothing, and end up having to weed out boys through meaningless, exhausting chit-chat just to get to the point where we both realize we aren’t a match. This approach of “dressing for the job you want,” so to speak, cuts to the chase. And there you have it. A new way of going out: Dress for that person you actually WANT to talk to.
When I left that evening I definitely took stock of my new findings. It may sound easy, but dressing the part requires multiple layers of thought than just throwing on clothes that make you look hot. The basic idea is that when you dress to go out you must make some decisions about who you are deep down, of course what clothes you feel most comfortable in and really make you feel like “you,” and lastly, you also want to think about what person you envision on your arm when you are this more focused you. This may take time before you get the hang of really exuding who you are and what you really want for yourself through your clothes, and thus attract that, but it will be well worth the time.
Originally published in In the Scene Magazine
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