It’s that time. You’ve been feeling it coming on for several months. It’s time to cut ‘em loose. The problem is that you keep avoiding going through with it and you aren’t sure why. What’s holding you back??? Maybe you’re in a relationship where there really hasn’t been a big problem that will warrant a perfect moment to call things off, but you also can’t deny the accumulation of little things (personality flaws, communication failure, unhealthy habits) that are building to the point where trying to make things fall into place is making you fall apart. Or maybe it really all comes down to your basic desire to avoid the confrontation, and a freakout fight and tears? Any which way you look at it, the time has come to bring things to an end.
How do you do what needs to be done and curtail the anger and tears? The key lies in removing the emotion from what your relationship is and/or was and break things down into a straight forward, point by point, business like format—especially when you personally mentally gear up for making the break. Yes, you may just find yourself tearing up over a break up you personally want due to you focusing on past sweet, lustful and nostalgic moments that really were few and far between the bigger moments of conflict. The other key to drying up the tears is to realize that these emotionally charged moments that we rest on, and sway us from moving on are only small pieces of the larger foundation you need to have in a lasting, balanced, relationship. And unfortunately, when life starts to have its way with you, I doubt you will find lust or nostalgia lending you a helping hand—which is also something you have to remember when forging through your break up. If he isn't in it to win it, then you are as good as alone.
Why a business like format is the answer to avoiding emotional breaking points is because like it or not, people need to recognize that a relationship is really a business deal with common goals, spoken and unspoken, which are agreed upon (respect, loyalty, love, trust, etc…) You could also look at it like buying a house: you both want to be mowing the same lawn and building up the same foundation, so to speak. However, like in business, there are deal breakers. Sometimes those deal breakers are evident early on and sometimes it takes a little while to pick up on things that make your “joint business venture” not so joint. When you rise above the emotions and just look at the true point by point foundation of your love and friendship “business plan,” that clearly doesn’t work, a break up should be quite a logical decision.
Basically, stepping back from your self-imposed emotions and drama of a relationship, you may finally see that there is ultimately no reason at all to fight or cry to end things. It is simply a matter of being two different people that aren’t on the same page of life…no argument, fight, or least of all tears, will bring around something that isn’t meant to be.
Originally published in In the Scene Magazine